I don’t wish to be young again in age (I’ll take the health/body though) actually youth was a lot of busying without much true purpose. True purpose.. what is that?

Don’t mix “Life purpose” with “true purpose”- they’re different models

-E.S

I mean there are no ancient ancestry examples except maybe in the Bible and other books from the past showing us examples but NOT defining the differences but I’m feeling a difference today (this post is over 2 weeks late -various reasons).

“Life purpose” seems to me, to be: building a career, family or prestige that gives you that victory in having created a worthy life indicative to you and your efforts and or accomplishments in the positive. Some may create negative life purposes: having a career that you’re in only for the money without thoughts to who is hurt by your gains, marrying for the wrong reasons, and worse of all having children without committing to them and their needs as best as you can.

“True purpose” is that inkling from the soul that you can make a difference or assist others or habitats to have something beneficial by sharing like charities, volunteers, nature preserves and conservations it’s usually a collective effort for the intention of the collective to inherit or impact someone that it transforms both of your lives (Griffin and Phoenix movie).

There is something I want to do and it started out as a thought and I peeked into it but it seems daunting and I’m so busy as a mother how can I do this? I took a hike in what is known originally as “Indian Canyon,” by the first Mexican settlers who were entering California before the gold rush and those incoming settlers. I asked ‘do I have Native American ancestors?” I mean everyone secretly wants to be connected to a generally peaceful, intuitive family tribe but can I be? I just chose a movie on YouTube (they don’t tell the narrative you just press play and hope for the best) and watched the movie ‘Grey Wolf,’ a true story of a boy who wanted to be a native so bad that he left home and was later welcomed in a tribe and adopted. Later his ability to write a book allowed him to share his experiences with the world as a native but he was not an authentic native which the public believed (and later he was exposed) and he felt like a fraud but his respect and allegiance were real. His passion and need to fulfill this quest started the parks and conservatory we have today and exposed the true purpose of the Native American way of life as that of peaceful people who respected the earth and animals.

I was thinking about this movie and I found a hawk feather at my feet on the side of the path I was walking. “Uh is this my answer?” I thought of Oscar and how he has come in and out of my life to get me messages. I brush it off as suspect and later I see the piece of wood that draws in my attention “hey Jess look at this beautiful piece of wood.” Jessica inspects it “yeah like the pretty driftwood you find on WA beaches.” I nod in agreement but then I see the symbol for the Avanyu- water serpent etched in it.

“Oh my goodness, it’s the Avanyu and it’s in the creekbed!” The Avanyu is an entity tale shared from many Native tribes with different names but the same purpose of protecting all bodies of water and if upset will bring forces of nature storms that no one can hide or predict its wrath (think Floods, tsunamis, typhoon). I speak about this entity a lot because it seems to like me (lol) I mean have you heard of it before? I didn’t think so, but it likes to show up for me and when it does we usually hear of major flooding disasters. Call it coincidence but this entity is not for the faint of heart in person if I hadn’t of seen crazy supernatural shit before this I would definitely wonder what padded cell I would be in and for this reason I’m not interested in recreational drugs or organic psychoactive plants it would doubt my clear cognizant belief.

They say: “you are what you believe.”

I say: “we are constantly evolving I am only a cloud formation in your eyes conforming each time we speak, but a rainbow interlocks between our souls and sometimes we see each other clearly there.”

-E.S.

So here is where I am left standing. I have both feet in ‘life purpose’ and both eyes on ‘true purpose’ while my heart is convincing, my mind is rather cynical and very practical keeping me anchored…for now until I flip the coin.