The Acceptance of the Initiation

It sounds like a scary passage out of the bible when the ‘chosen one’ takes a leap of faith and follows their inner and heavenly guidance to a point of no return.

I believe we can profusely thank all of those who came before us leaving their lessons learned in books of mythology, theology, biographies, poems and playwrights; we know what a mere mortal can achieve or lose, and most importantly what it elevates in the person and those surrounding the Initiation accepted. I think we all fear heavenly guidance believing there is a huge price to pay in ridicule and death. Jesus I believe took that lesson and aced it and whatever you believe “he gained or lost” is your interpretation dependent on your soul evolution which lucky for us is constantly elevated by ourselves choosing to accept the initiation and/or those who have!

I’m not saying in any way that “I’m holy than thou” that would make my co-workers, friends and family howl with laughter! No, what I’m saying is all your major life choices are initiations and I’m sure you had some guidance involved even when you refused it. You can remember that ‘pause’ or ‘feeling pulled’ or ‘pushing you’ to retreat or advance. We all have had moments of feeling small or removed from this world and this is when spirit takes you to where and what you’re meant to experience . . .and don’t try to organize it in a logical simple timeline with a guess at the outcome; it’s all suppose to take you out of your dark dwelling and into the living.

It must have been 2012 I was now living on my own and for the most part in solitude while my children were now spending time in two households. It was a new feeling of trusting that they would be okay without me and vice versa. It was very hard to let them go, but I thank Mother Mary for feeling her surround me and encouraging me that I was right to trust their well being, as it was important for them and their father to grow and develop independent of me handling everything; we all needed to trust each other that love & respect still ruled.  I was scared of being alone and yet I welcomed being a hermit and really going into my thoughts and questions on life in depth without interruption. I have always trusted my sleeping dreams (dream academy) and now I cherished them as they breathed new life into me and asked me to awaken to who I truly am.

Golden Goddess Dream

I was with a tour group and I feel it’s Asia. I see my group with cameras and luggage and I see my suitcase but immediately I’m very lucid in the dream and startled “where’s my passport, money, hotel, where am I, where am I headed, where’s the kids, I can’t afford this!” I’m surprised I didn’t wake myself up from my stress.

I see the group head into the local shops in the village I follow because I’m scared to death of not surviving in a world I’m not familiar with.  A local lady approaches me and kindly asks if I need help as you can clearly see my stress. “I don’t know how I got here or how I can get back or where I’m going!” She motions me to check my luggage and purse as her English is limited. I see I have some money, I see no tickets and I panic. Seeing my panic she helps me look in my luggage and I’m suspicious of her touching my belonging “will she plant drugs or steal?” She tells me to try on some clothes and hands me sexy clothing I would not be caught dead in, and while in the changing room I see a basket full of gold credit cards and again my suspicion arises.  

I come out and I see her with my suitcase and she tells me I can have the clothing for free. I tell her I’m thankful but I wouldn’t wear such clothing I’m not comfortable in them. She asks me where my husband or lover is and I tell her about our long separation and the healing we are in the middle of in divorcing. I explain what had transpired and how hard it’s been on everyone, the forgiveness I am hoping to achieve and the happiness I hope we all find my x included in the end. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes and said in few words (I can’t remember exactly verbatim) “I’m happy you share and it heals me.” She hands me a leather wallet that is handmade and you have to unfold it to reveal many pockets to hold credit cards or coupons.

When I unravel it, it’s almost like “Pulp Fiction” movie scene when the suitcase lights up a reflective golden light on the one who reveals it. I see many golden cards and the wallet is packed.  I don’t believe they are all credit cards but some are like coupons, things that would enable me to survive in this new world.  I look at her and feeling rather shamed in my previous suspicious thoughts of her, I ask her “why are you helping me when you don’t know me?” She smiled like that of a generous mother “because you help me.” I don’t understand what I did but she looks convincing of it and hands me the sexy flirty clothing and says “take it.” I’m overwhelmed by her sincerity and generosity in this stranger who loves me and I accept she loves me too with no restrictions and I swear to her “I will and I will wear them.”  

I didn’t understand that dream at the time, but soon I had gifts from the universe.  Friends would give me gorgeous clothing and spoil me with gift certificates randomly that would help me feed my children and myself. I was experiencing miracles and it helped me so much to achieve a lighter heart and grow so in love with not only those who helped me but to look at strangers in a whole different light. I had finally accepted help and it was given over and over again helping me to love myself because I must be giving somehow and I in turned loved people and their souls deeply . . .and I’ll have to share my biggest miracle “my home,” in another blog.

I decipher the golden credit cards to “spiritual credit,” that by saying “yes” to life (even with sacrifices that others might deem as wrong) I was following the divine signs of initiation of going through the fire to become whole once more; but not without forgetting those beauties who help me leap forward. I must also add . . .my clothing became more feminine less conservative and no longer screaming out “Mother,” but now “woman.”

Happy Leap Year! May you catapult someone with a token of love and may it catapult you to love as you were meant to become.



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