The Acceptance of the Initiation

It sounds like a scary passage out of the bible when the ‘chosen one’ takes a leap of faith and follows their inner and heavenly guidance to a point of no return.

Golden Goddess Dream

I was with a tour group and I feel it’s Asia. I see my group with cameras and luggage and I see my suitcase but immediately I’m very lucid in the dream and startled “where’s my passport, money, hotel, where am I, where am I headed, where’s the kids, I can’t afford this!” I’m surprised I didn’t wake myself up from my stress.

I see the group head into the local shops in the village I follow because I’m scared to death of not surviving in a world I’m not familiar with.  A local lady approaches me and kindly asks if I need help as you can clearly see my stress. “I don’t know how I got here or how I can get back or where I’m going!” She motions me to check my luggage and purse as her English is limited. I see I have some money, I see no tickets and I panic. Seeing my panic she helps me look in my luggage and I’m suspicious of her touching my belonging “will she plant drugs or steal?” She tells me to try on some clothes and hands me sexy clothing I would not be caught dead in, and while in the changing room I see a basket full of gold credit cards and again my suspicion arises.  

I come out and I see her with my suitcase and she tells me I can have the clothing for free. I tell her I’m thankful but I wouldn’t wear such clothing I’m not comfortable in them. She asks me where my husband or lover is and I tell her about our long separation and the healing we are in the middle of in divorcing. I explain what had transpired and how hard it’s been on everyone, the forgiveness I am hoping to achieve and the happiness I hope we all find my x included in the end. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes and said in few words (I can’t remember exactly verbatim) “I’m happy you share and it heals me.” She hands me a leather wallet that is handmade and you have to unfold it to reveal many pockets to hold credit cards or coupons.

When I unravel it, it’s almost like “Pulp Fiction” movie scene when the suitcase lights up a reflective golden light on the one who reveals it. I see many golden cards and the wallet is packed.  I don’t believe they are all credit cards but some are like coupons, things that would enable me to survive in this new world.  I look at her and feeling rather shamed in my previous suspicious thoughts of her, I ask her “why are you helping me when you don’t know me?” She smiled like that of a generous mother “because you help me.” I don’t understand what I did but she looks convincing of it and hands me the sexy flirty clothing and says “take it.” I’m overwhelmed by her sincerity and generosity in this stranger who loves me and I accept she loves me too with no restrictions and I swear to her “I will and I will wear them.”  

I didn’t understand that dream at the time, but soon I had gifts from the universe.  Friends would give me gorgeous clothing and spoil me with gift certificates randomly that would help me feed my children and myself. I was experiencing miracles and it helped me so much to achieve a lighter heart and grow so in love with not only those who helped me but to look at strangers in a whole different light. I had finally accepted help and it was given over and over again helping me to love myself because I must be giving somehow and I in turned loved people and their souls deeply . . .and I’ll have to share my biggest miracle “my home,” in another blog.

I decipher the golden credit cards to “spiritual credit,” that by saying “yes” to life (even with sacrifices that others might deem as wrong) I was following the divine signs of initiation of going through the fire to become whole once more; but not without forgetting those beauties who help me leap forward. I must also add . . .my clothing became more feminine less conservative and no longer screaming out “Mother,” but now “woman.”

Happy Leap Year! May you catapult someone with a token of love and may it catapult you to love as you were meant to become.