What in the heck is all this male anger and angst this week; April Fools is OVER!
Working around children I can see the larger patterns played out by them, are pretty close to the outbursts we later learn about in our news. I’m not saying it’s common because it’s not! When you have a day like April 3rd, a day when little boys are retaliating unusually strong all on the same day I don’t chalk it up to coincidence but collectiveness. I didn’t check out the news I’m sure it showed Mars energy of war but it seems to simmer down until yesterday.
– APRIL 4
I hear loud solar flares in my head (yes I believe I can hear the static feedback for years reverberate in my inner ear) and it was super loud today I decided to document it when I see that we’ve had 3 big solar flares in just this first week of April….hmm the energy of this angst.??!! I ask my friend who made my birth chart what’s up with the males and she sends me this as I write this blog. I also speak to my mom about the incident and the drunk man and the hawk. My mom tells me the swollen lip was stress (but the swelling went away soon after) and the hawk and the bird demonstrated what happened to me “You were a little innocent unafraid to confront a big problem and your innocence to see him as not always threatening is what the little bird was showing you and Mija, that man was speaking scripture and Jesus shows up in many ways. GULP (I think I even wrote that on a blog a few weeks back) “Oh no, I said laughing ashamed, I shooed him off!” My mom replies “You were calm and unthreatening to him.” OH BOY! I hang up with mom leaving the nature preserve to walk back to my desk thinking about scripture “OMG!” it hits along with today’s events. I’m looking for a place to live and not finding anything yet “no room at the inn” could God be saying “there’s a place for you don’t worry.” It may be last minute and not pretty but it’s already in the works and safe for your babies.Interesting! Yeah, I’d say my bases are loaded and I just need to get to home base!
Today I found out my 2013 taxes I had filed jointly while married (but separated/pending divorce) was not done (his accountant too busy with too many clients left it unfinished) and now my tax refund I need (and counted on) to move and find another place/pay for school registration is held until it’s filed. Stress much!!! I was numb to the fear (thanks, amethyst waves) called my coworker “I need my W4” emailed my account the news. My friend hands me the W4 and I swear by divine timing as my accountant who didn’t read my email but happens to be visiting to give a co-worker theater tickets; comes to my desk to say hi! I tell her what happened and she takes my W4 “okay I’ll get started.” WOW!
So I think I had my own sun flares of unexpected outbursts and I just keep telling myself “I deserve an ocean view” for two reasons: One, there’s a featured oil painting by my desk of an ocean view by parent who donated it to a raffle to win it (fingers crossed) https://wolfgangbloch.com/work/y2012.html and secondly…for a bigger perspective on life, in other words, a panoramic view; not everything is at it seems so catch the wave and ride it!
Hey Erica! Reminded me of an old poem I wrote when I saw this….so here ya go:
Strangled by the things that I don’t get to say, stuck in this prison all shuttered away…..
My life took a turn and it turned me away…..from you
Tears and words and thoughts never spoken…..insincere voices with oaths to be broken
My thoughts were sincere….and never just token…..for you
Resentments and hurt feelings buried down deep, piled in a corner in an untidy heap
Now that which was sown shall be reaped….from you
Hard, so hard, to find the trigger in all this, figure out just what exactly it is…
That leveled me and took away such bliss….for you
It isn’t that you were the very best, or scored the highest on some odd test….
It isn’t the fact that I felt so blessed….by you
It isn’t the love that I feel, nor the wounds that wont heal….
It isn’t the thought that none of it was real….with you
It isn’t the morning without your face, nor the nights for which each day I must brace….
Nor the fits of sleep, that are nightmare laced….
It isn’t the fact that you are gone, or the sweet smell of you for which I long…..
I have yet to find the words written in any song…..
Not a poem exists, nor a lyric or list….that describes what it is out of all of this….
That takes away my breath in a mangled hiss…
It’s not that I loved you, nor how very much…
It is that for once I had learned to trust.
I found I thought a place for me, where I could just simply be…..
And when I looked….I knew I would see….always you.
Where is the mistake then, which would it be…..
The love, the trust…….
Or was it just me?
You kinda blew me away! You see when I asked my friend to help me make this blog I asked that he make the subtitles pages to be under the world “the path,” (he did but they somehow were erased) thank you so much for sharing, I’d love to read more, do you have a blog? You also blew me away with your words and the honesty we’ve all stumbled on that that same path tripping over the thorny vines that came out of our mouths or others;only to bleed droplets on the pavement to allow us to understand what we had and lost or let go and what is still on that floor mocking us with “what is was all for?” Sorry I took so long to reply I didn’t try my new login until today. Happy 4th of July to freedom in foundation.
Erica the blog was not only a pleasure to do for you but a labor of love as well. The sharing was just too simple when I saw “the path”.
I would say that the thorny vines are but a bit of grass in my own path and have never stopped nor even slowed me, I am for all else, resilient and without fear in this life.
I would love to add more and I will, and this is the only blog i’ve read of the type. It feels like home in a way and I will keep that. Thank you. There is much to do here, and we will continue to do just that, plug away and enjoy the words we share and others offer. Best to you always!
So funny see we’ve spoken over the phone but never really met…so cool I didn’t know it was YOU! Thanks so much for everything xoxox