Have you ever expressed yourself without censorship to what may transpire by you being so boldly truthful? Without intention to punish or teach someone a lesson? Not trying to get your point across but . . .to present your perception of what transpired to find closure, peace and solutions going forward?
I did this week…Twice. I can’t go into the details but I can share what it means to me. You see my mother would probably describe me as a quiet child when it came to disharmony or altercations; I would go within and hold it all in and I wouldn’t let you in (and that stayed up until my divorce). I’m not saying you couldn’t tell if I was angry, sadden or bothered, oh no! Emotions I wear plainly for you to see, its conversational expression that would remain with me . . .unless I was was standing up for someone else then I was outspoken; but rarely for myself.
I’m feeling rather weird about this week. Like I’m standing outside of myself observing both conversations as “who is this person stating what they needed and need!” I’m not boastful or numb just amazed at how well I didn’t control the conversation it was just conveyed without pounding conviction, guilt, anger (not withholding my feeling of having anger or loss in describing the recent past to the parties involved) toward another to gain retribution, but looking to heal what transpired in the past and going forward.
It’s understood it takes both parties willing to “hear the truth,” and I feel like we did (I respect them for that). I didn’t need a solution just an intention that we start honoring each other, let’s work together and drop the shit made or made up– let’s create a positive change going forward. I’m left feeling like an alien! I laugh because “what took me so long to express what I need and want!” I suspect this is true leadership, when you lead your life by your truth and it may not be accepted, but its important to your development. When you stand up for yourself but reach out to pull the other to see you eye to eye or soul to soul and they accept without the ego or a need to harm you for bringing up uncomfortable conversations, its neutral. It doesn’t happen too much as someone is always wanting to win.
This left me feeling whole as there are no rifts left behind it’s really cleared (at least for me). I want to express how neutral feels but I can’t because it is soo quiet and peaceful, but I can describe “what it’s not” much better:
It’s not boastful, prideful, determined, hurtful, abusive, exciting, stimulating or with or without loss or gain; it’s just puts you to the present to go on with life immediately.
I like neutral and I hope to live here for the rest of my life.
Thank you for the guidance and lesson Universe!