We can polarize our first thoughts as “hits or misses,” because no one has every absolute answer so what do you rely on?

sec·ond-guess
verb
1.
anticipate or predict (someone’s actions or thoughts) by guesswork.
“he had to second-guess what the environmental regulations would be in five years’ time”
2.
NORTH AMERICAN
judge or criticize (someone) with hindsight.   HARSH GEEZ!  “the prime minister was willing to second-guess senior ministers in public”

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a theatre excited to see my daughter and her classmates (I’ve known most of them since Kindergarten) perform their 11th Grade monologues. It’s really a graded assignment they have to create a 10 min monologue, their costumes, set design and work out the lighting and tech issues with fellow students to perform before the audience. Needless to say, I had to use breath work driving down to see them as I was excited and nervous (I’m not one for a stage or spotlight) for them I adore each one and wanted them to achieve their goals and they did I was so proud of my girl and her classmates.

The first monologue presented was a student dressed as an elf cosplay who lived in this “elf world” in dress and imagination daily during our reality to her mother’s dismay, in search of a magic piece of glass that was missing from her peacock mirror (if you don’t know me by now, let’s just say the peacock is favorably seeking me LITERALLY as you’ll read).

This student along with another was asked to weave between monologues sets and make remarks on her elf view/take on each performance that just ended and she would come out and ad-lib and poke her large staff about looking for the piece of the mirror.   She pointed at me from the stage “Hey you! Have you seen a piece of mirror?” I froze and in my mind, thought ‘oh my goodness am I suppose to answer or she’s just making it look real?’  I panicked to make the right guess so I said nothing but shook my head in response. “Are you sure?” she asked and now I didn’t think My “Me” just couldn’t keep it in, she’s asking for help “No, sorry I don’t see anything…” and I pretended to look around my feet and theatre seat, she sighed and took leave of the stage. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but two acts later for some reason it haunted me “OMG, was I suppose to keep quiet and not interfere?” I felt my stomach sink and when fear is in the belly you won’t get clear answers just doubt and more confusion. I decided my ego was distracting me from enjoying the performances and I resigned with “well, I felt it was right and true to me at the moment.” I let it go.

Never Second Guess YOUR HEART

Backstage I hug her and apologize for responding “I’m so sorry if I messed you up by answering but I couldn’t ignore it in my heart.” I’m surprised when she tells me “I’m sorry to put you on the spot, I was looking for my Dad and I panicked and I saw you and I knew you would answer, so thank you.”  PHEW. It brings a memory of a conversation I had with her and a couple of classmates when they told me they were nervous and I remarked “Oh I wouldn’t think I could do it either,’ and a student responds “yes you can Erica you’re confident.” I blushed “really?” yeah all 3 nodded (hmm news to me) not all the time I thought, but I’m trying to control letting my ego keep me trapped by fear of rejection or ridicule for more than 15 min. I’ve decided it’s a rule for me now.

I might second guess wrong and look like a fool but it’s part of the hero’s journey; because you can’t start a journey wondering “IF” but dreaming IT!”

E.S. 

Yesterday’s side note:

Taking salt baths help me ground in my questions into my body and I let them float up to the surface to review. I’m usually firm on eliminating doubts and second-guessing what I’m intuitively thinking about when I pensively ask for guidance in this sacred time for myself. I was facing fears of doubt when I noticed this face in the Blue candle (I keep all chakra colors burning as I meditate in the bath) which represents the throat “communication” the very topic I was focusing on in terms of a type of telepathy I felt I was experiencing lately …funny as it looks just like a man too.  update: I realized it was the 6th chakra 3rd eye dark blue Indigo candle, not verbal communication; but like I said telepathy. 

ps. Annie if you’re reading this…your phone call came after I was correlating the dream I had with you (bandage on the face dream) in it…you have impeccable timing and I’m glad you didn’t second guess in calling me!

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