March 3, 2012
I woke up on this day to the sound of my 6-year-old son singing “the world as I see it, is a remarkable place” I was consumed in a blanket of love I wanted to run downstairs and sweep him into my arms taken by his innocence and placing me a happy mood I hadn’t felt in a while. At the time I was ending my marriage and was living in the same household to show unity, love, and respect for my children including my soon to be ex-husband to exemplify that they could always count on us to be loving and peaceful (even when it was hard to find it). Before I had awakened to that sweet melodic voice I was dreaming about a small elephant.
I was somewhere walking in nature (this was before I would hike in fact my life was busy with children, work and housework no time to myself) so I could see myself walking not really noting my surroundings and I even passed a baby elephant and would’ve never known it had he not cried out to me “honk, honk honk” he blew his wee trunk and I turned around he was maybe 30 inches high so adorable and so excited to see me he practically jumped everytime he blew his trunk. I was so smitten by his cuteness and I laughed “oh my goodness my dear little one I see you!” he seemed to be happy with that I woke up and heard my son singing.
I heard that voice reminding me of happiness and I realized I hadn’t wanted to wake up each day for months it was dreadful to see mourning from a friend I married to know I was responsible for breaking this family (it sickened me) but it was even more suffocating to stay. I thought about the dream “was that Ganesh remover of obstacles?” I pondered and went in search of my son to sing along. I decided to take my coffee in the garden I sat in the immaculate garden and looked at what would no longer be my house, roses, and trellises (writing this now I can still feel that scary dark unknowing fear building and gut-wrenching sadness seeing the kids frolic in the playroom from the french doors) I didn’t want to fall into that feeling so I decided the dream was for me to “wake up and I might possibly gain a “little help” from a deity, stay positive.” I looked at my garden work in happiness “I’m glad I experienced this, I will again.”
A violet bird with wisps of brown landed on the chair across from me (maybe a yard away) she held onto the cushion her back towards me but her face peering my way as if to say “Do you see me?” I took in her extraordinary coloring and I took in a breath and held it, as I’ve never seen such violet coloring before (in fact I poured over books and websites never finding it- the bird pictured above is the closest in the chest color). I knew it was not a coincidence or a normal occurrence because this bird showed me trust by showing me it’s backside (vulnerability). I closed my eyes “what do you want me to know?” I asked intuitively I got nothing. I opened my eyes she was still there to my astonishment because I had a huge cup in my hands in mid-air near my chin not wanting to move to give it fear but it didn’t fear me. In fact, she then flew to the fountain near me and again her backside towards me drank water before flying away. I was taken back by the trust shown towards me and I felt I had another deity visit maybe St. Germain as I had just been learning about him. Dreaming seemed to develop faster and stronger in the following days and the color violet would years later and currently be the most vivid viewed color I see when I meditate or close my eyes.
It’s a hard memory because I still struggle with guilt for my children taking them from that space but even if I tried more than I already had the universe was in a few months making sure I would not be able to change my mind his business would take another hit since 2009 and selling the home would bring my ex-husband peace in settling debts that might’ve gave him sickness; it was already written.
In fact, we had tried to sell the home years prior to “go bigger” it wouldn’t move in a good market. When the agent (a friend of my ex) heard what I wanted for the house, he looked at me “You won’t get that amount the market is terrible.” I looked at him with complete confidence and replied: “yes I will and more, people will bid higher for it $11,000 more.” He scoffed and looked at my ex as he replied back “Do you always get what you want?” I knew he thought me selfish and a typical divorcee but I wasn’t furthermore, this wasn’t ego, it was a spiritual journey of authenticity and trust and I couldn’t explain that to those stuck in the material world so I answered him in truth seeing 11’s everywhere “No I get want I need.” The house sold fast with bidders outbidding and writing us letters on why we should sell it to them and it sold for $111,000 more.
“A journey is not a trail to follow, but a trial of obstacles to be tested and met when searching for truth, integrity, and authenticity in oneself and then you see the path in the clearing of destiny from your heart’s center.” Erica Sussette
ps. I apologize if I already wrote about this day it showed up tonight on my calendar reminder and I had to revisit it to clear out and let go of the past.
Yes, reflection and introspection are revealers of what was; how we felt then and what is and what we now know. Peace be with you, love you
I can’t believe how far I’ve come from those days feeling stuck and confined to then hiding and confining myself to falling to my knees in love so many times in gratitude for seeing the beauty in synchronicity and people to falling in love with myself with these experiences and everyone who reached out to show me their beauty… it was worth it all.